Catharsis (EP)

by Cole Smoak

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01:43
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05:11
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05:17
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02:27
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01:57

about

This is an EP I've been working on for about a year now. Though I've released rap projects in the past I consider this to be my first official "rap album/EP". I really wanted anyone who listens to know exactly what goes on inside my head and what sorts of struggles I feel myself battling with everyday. I hope that people can relate to some of the problems I face and that the EP can provide some insight into solving them internally. I chose to title the EP "Catharsis" after I broke into tears out of the blue about a month before the release date. It felt as if I had been bottling up so many emotions for so long that my brain sort of forced me to confront each and every one all at once. I told my girlfriend Ellory about what happened and she said "Oh that sounds like a catharsis". Seeing as she usually knows what she's talking about I immediately took interest and began to research this "catharsis" she spoke of. As it turns out a catharsis is exactly what I believe happened to me. A purging of emotions that I had been blocking out ranging from feeling as if I don't have much time left on this earth to feeling guilty about the ways I treat the people around me, etc. After analyzing the event further I realized that my catharsis happened during a time in which I hadn't been producing very much music at all or doing anything creative. I read over some of the lyrics I had been working on for the project and realized that I had been writing about all of the specific emotions and worries that flooded into my mind during my awakening. It was then that I realized that every song I've ever written has been a catharsis as well as any creative project I've invested a lot of time, energy, and thought into. The definition of a catharsis reads: 1. the process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions. For me there has never been a more accurate way to describe my relationship with music, writing, and any other creative output. Please enjoy this EP as it guides you through the process of realizing just what it is that allows me to express myself to the fullest extent.

credits

released December 30, 2015

Special thanks to my incredible girlfriend Ellory, my parents/siblings, and all of my friends for the tremendous support. A big shout out to Mason Youngblood aka "Callosum" for mastering "Perforated Pictures", teaching me how to mix live, and guiding me through the process of entering this vast world of music and performance all the while remaining patient and friendly. Huge huge huge thank you to one of my best friends Carson Ham aka "Vanisher" for completely changing the quality of my music. Before Carson taught me the ropes of mixing and mastering I was a fish out of water so I can't thank him enough for what he has taught me and done for me. Another huge shout out goes to Will Lewis aka "Fluffy Bugs", Kevin Westberry aka "Retro", Jalen Motes aka "Caeto Moon", Brandon Graczyk aka "Brandon Graczyk", Eric Leonhardt aka "E-Sleezy", Bryce Boulware aka "Bruce-the-loose-cannon", Sam Strevens aka "Sammy D", Tim Strevens aka "Big-ass Tim", Ben Strevens aka "DJ BenzO", Alex Cartledge aka "Swag Daddy Potter Jesus", Jacob Bedenbaugh aka "Folly God", and last but not least Parker Singleton aka "PP". All of the people mentioned above have been responsible for challenging me to better myself in every way and are all genuinely amazing people. Whether they taught me something I never knew about music or simply lent an ear for criticism I cannot stress enough how helpful each and everyone of these people have been in my life. I can't put my relationship with Ellory Scott into words very well but no one holds more responsibility than her when it comes to making me realize who I am supposed to be in this life and how much I have to offer. Honestly, if it wasn't for this girl I would probably be dead or in the streets doing heroin. Disclaimer: I've never actually done heroin. Anyways, Ellory Scott saved my life and I love her more than anything in existence. I also want to give a huge thank you to my parents for not letting be the spoiled brat that I too often become. I'm so glad they never gave into my pleas and taught me that nothing worth having in this world will be handed to me. I want to thank my sister Hayley for being the nicest person I've ever been privileged to spend time with, my sister Lenlee for always making me laugh and continuing to be my best friend while still being comfortable with calling me out on my shit, and Reece for being the most inspired, creative person I know. Finally, thank you, whoever you may be for listening to my music. Any fan, friend, or enemy even helps me to reach my goal just by being aware of the existence of my music and art. Whether you believe in me fully or absolutely doubt that I have any talent or worth whatsoever it all contributes to my growth and relevance in the world. I love all of you.

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about

Cole Smoak Columbia, South Carolina

I do not make sense I make synths

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Track Name: Intro
I don’t have time he says as he wastes it all away
I need to move away he says as he undermines the place where he already is
Nobody cares he says as he ignores the people who show him the most support
He’s trapped on the East side of the country wanting to flee to the West
And he’s taught only the Western portion of the world’s philosophy while truly resonating with Eastern wisdom
He’s smart in mind but deathly stupid in action
He talks more than he listens and expects the opposite from others
His hopes and dreams are stronger than his work ethic
He’s overly confident when alone but insecure around people
He clams up one on one but flows freely in front of a crowd
He wants what hurts him and hurts who wants him
He’s a walking contradiction
He talks with contradicting diction
There’s an infinite amount of things that stop him and only one thing that keeps him going
And so it goes that one thing has infinite reasons to stop

My intent is to present this sentence
Instantaneously in the present tense it’s intense
Just to gain me a name at any extent this instant for instance
An idea to take action no need to pretend us as less
Any pretense to what I’m asking is pretentiousness at it’s best
Track Name: Vision
Swift left off the chin of his cleft
I’m sorta like a ref I keep a whistle on my chest
I might blow it if you mess up
And make your ditch a definite
If satan is irrelevant
Then play this shit for reverends
They say this shit might never end
Relay this tip to clever men
And maybe sit with letterman
I payed it with perseverance
Or perseverance rather
Make a future for myself than let the past sit and gather
Dust I asked mad hatter
if he’s started seeing patterns
Cause I’m feeling kind of dizzy
And it’s got me in a tizzy
It’s the coffee or the henney
Fuck up off me bitch I’m busy
Fuckin raw beat with some fizzy
You can pause me when I’m fifty
Cause I’m halting with the pity
Yeah I’m ballsy and I’m winning
In the game so you must be benching
And I’ve got the same flow I just need a mention
Also got a brain so I must need a pension
Staying in my lane cause I trust my senses
Praying for the rain cause I wanna get rinsed
My pain always has me tense
Stay with the sane so my life makes sense
Uh

Now you see me now you don’t
I’m an up upstanding citizen
My sentences just float
And my tongue branded
Whiteness it I’m selling you my throat
Not a blowjob but the words my lips are forming oh
Get a cum shot this isn’t for the weak-tummy no
You either stomach what I’m saying or regurgitate the flow
I’ve got a book full of paper it’s not perforated so
If I’ma cut you off a slice you gotta eat that shit whole

I’m a peasant getting royalties
To be honest wouldn’t trust my friends
When it comes to loyalty
And I’m hooked on phonics off them sonnets
You hooked on chronic off gin tonics
Boy I’ma toil please and I’ma toy with the top till I’m boiling
You the tin man with no oil
Oi couldn’t foil me
You aluminum
I illuminate
I’m illuminati cause I’m so nice with it
No alumni fuck it though I did it
Numbers on my side like a dice digit
Running out of time so I fidget
Wonder when I die if I did it right so I try to be tight I’mma guide to the light
And I might get the sight that I write in the night
When I type I’m alive I’mma die after flight
Feeling so low but I’m high as a kite
I am solo dolo riding a bike
But I like a soul lowered to find what’s alike
Like her I love her so try as you might
To take her from me you must pry off my psyche
The day is coming I’ma fry up this mic so just find you a Rolley and buy you some time

What we have common is projects
And we always be doubting the prospects
I’d rather be chilling with y’all’s sect
Mother fuck what my boss says
Mother fucker wanna talk shit
If I come to a mountain I cross it
It’s like I come in the mouth of the faucet
Cause the way I’m flowing make you pause it
Whoa
Track Name: Anxious Thinking//Quietly Ponder
Anxious Thinking:

Flow retarded I’m regarded as such
I got a lot on my mind
My n**** pardon my nuts
My Bars guarded so fuss
As much as you fuckin want
But fuck you you fuckin cunt
Eat you up like supper and lunch
I’m glad we parted our ways
Like moses parted the waves
I’m red you see it in my face
He dead so see him in his place
We said we beat him in this case
He bled three feet up in his face
Red clay six feet above his pace
Seein my piece to save his grace
And usually I’m not aggressive in a sense
But you for me was adolescent innocence
I grew to trees you was tumescent filaments
Inflated egos seem to pop so fill him in
Fill him in and then lament until the end
But you a man because you meant it to amend
The sentiment although you sent it to a friend
And since the sentence there’s a sense that you pretend
The conversation stimulant was ritalin
Was written then with pencil pen
You see I’m free not stenciled in
No listen please I must admit
You got me in a fucking bind
The time to mend has passed away
My rhymes had meant to last the day
I cry and vent to trash the way
She tried to send the past to lay
I guess to keep the past at bay
I flash a wave to castaways
I cast my fate and time away
Just laugh and say I’m kinda gay
Exacerbate my mind with hate
You masturbate to my display
You masturbate to my display
So I castrate and fly away iller
than you when
fillin the room
with liquor and booze
when killin the booth
middle finger never pointed
sick of the view that life is pointless
dropped out of school with an appointment
only because my mood was poignant
there was a void that i avoided

if it cut deep then here’s some ointment
so close to god i feel anointed
turn the church away although i’ll say i never really joined it

Quietly Ponder:

I think you got me fucked up and you nut hugging me
Sup and we fucked up and the money be coming up
But we suck huh?
What you doing you fuck huh?
Feeling down cause I’m up huh?
Feeling up on the sluts?
Don’t be the nut that bust
I’ve got my own girl and no one else can touch her
D-d-d-d-did I stutter?
I said no one else can touch her

Needle point in me like a vaccination
I lack the patience necessary for your slacking pace
And lack of motivation
Stacking tracks and raking racks in
Past the point of payment
Pass the piece of pipe that’s packed in backs of Cadillacs
Feels like I’ve got cataracts
My act attracts the acrobats
They flip the work and that’s a wrap
Yeah
They flip the work and that’s a wrap
The flip the work and that’s a rap
Track Name: Escape
I’m running circles around you
You must be a fan of the nascar
The number of chances you had are
Directly related to ones that I took you won’t last far

You sub par
When the sub hits fuck who you are
I’m luck with a charm
You suck only armed
With a tuck and gar
Only harming a bump
Rather stomach a bar

Yoooo I’m from another planet
Bars so strong like a fucking xanex
Tryna find out who gonna face the man next
Ain’t bout money I erase the damn text

But really I’m broke as shit
Tryna find my soul in a flow conflicted
Addicted to things that I know ain’t it
It being what helps me to grow in this

Life full of strife
But I’m sharp as a knife
Lyrics cut like the wind on the coldest of nights
Got the coldest of flows cole smoak oh no
Hide ya hoes cause my girls looking better than yo’s

Don’t get me misshapen
Not to be mistaken
I’m aching for someone to take em a shot
Wasting your breath as I bait you to flop
Down at the bottom of lake as I pop
The bobber I feel the vibration and stop
See if you taking the lines that I drop
Give you the hook and I stay at the top

Chorus:

Fuck all that you hear I’m top of the charts
Fuck all of you here I’m leaving these parts
I’m taller than fear I stand on my art
I’m better alone it’s how we all start

On the end of this pier I’m feeling so small
Watch the moon come out as the sun slowly falls
Seeing circles everywhere I’m hearing my call
On top of the world so I guess that I ball

Second Verse:

see to the fiber like a reticle
phonetically hypothetical
i better see rappers edible
bragging about your medical
medically you need some better relief
blowin smoke up your ass can’t see where the resin be
i’m a clever tree i can better the leaf
in hell but know there’s heaven to see
don’t inhale cause it’s better to breathe
better believe the lies i know they fed it to me
was a rebel then i’m a rebel now
in my cap and gown put the gavel down
burn a chapel to the ground
really wanna travel to the sound of my own drum
did it when no one else did
now everybody on it and i’m off that shit
tell every mother fucker to get off my dick
when i’m on my tick so raw no rubber
with this girl so long so love her
don’t fight bout the petty shit
when you gon’ be ready shit
just a mass in the back with a pack in africa
mad i’m laughing
but i’m sad it happened
and you glad i’m rapping
cause the gat i’m packing
is so matter of fact
the bar that i sets so high so you might need a latter for that
with the bars i’m an acrobat in fact i’m at the place in my life where i can’t relax and uh
on mars in a Cadillac the track banging in the back is like candle wax the way it melts

Chorus:

Fuck all that you hear I’m top of the charts
Fuck all of you here I’m leaving these parts
I’m taller than fear I stand on my art
I’m better alone it’s how we all start

On the end of this pier I’m feeling so small
Watch the moon come out as the sun slowly falls
Seeing circles everywhere I’m hearing my call
On top of the world so I guess that I ball
Track Name: Bump To Come Back
Bump To Come Back:

Chorus:

Bump to come back stronger
Bump it to last longer
Bump to feel better when you’re down or when the past haunts ya up

Bumpin for cash on a
Beat I just smashed ought to
See to the stash I’m on my last dollar pass all the

Slack ballers itching for them drugs like a rash call a
Bluff when a pussy acting tough like a cat dog I
Can’t complain about my broke ass I sat long e-
Nough to know my talents worth a lot more than that so I pretend

And I pretend that
I’m J Dilla reincarnated
Seeing stars faded
Got me thinking that we are jaded
Oh you think you a G?
N**** I’m R-rated
One shot to start the arms race
Bars as hard as tar pavement
And it’s yo’ ass fault
That your bars are weak and archaic
I’m hard to see on Mars
So far ahead I start the car, plane, and armed spaceship
But I’ll park the -Rari here and starve
Cause I’m too driven to get where I’m going to worry ‘bout car payments

I’m on my sixth year with rap
You’re on your first date and you’re flirtatious
Her skirts short and her shirt hangs
So the arm placement got your nerves racing
Now you’re ‘bout to fake a yawn ain’t it?
But she took you as a pawn
Game is on chess
The stress to make a bond flexed and shattered
On your conscious the matter isn’t gone yet
So let me put this concept in context
I’m on next no contest
No contestant tests me with congested jests

Flow dope enough to have these hitters choking up
You smoke a blunt I’ll smoke a couple rappers if I focus some
Scratch that don’t even need to think to roast you son
This suits me like a hazmat
My vocals come to poke some fun
They come to see me far and near
Like bifocals show the locals (bifocals at my show or something
And help me see the Ben Franks you know I’m holding funds
Yeah I be with the bands like I’m holding buns
And I’ll admit that I’ve been frank about it like I split the bread and toasted one


Chorus:

Bump to come back stronger
Bump it to last longer
Bump to feel better when you’re down or when the past haunts ya up

Bumpin for cash on a
Beat I just smashed ought to
See to the stash I’m on my last dollar pass all the

Slack ballers itching for them drugs like a rash call a
Bluff when a pussy acting tough like a cat dog I
Can’t complain about my broke ass I sat long e-
Nough to know my talents worth a lot more than that so I pretend


You shit the bed and folded bruh
I hit the head and boasted some
I’m hitting heads and nailing n***** nuts just like they owed me some
Bread I’ve got the toaster coming
Keep the heat like ocean sun
I hope he floats or knows the coast enough to go where boats will come
I’ll be sailing safely on the high seas
Sipping Hi-C you’re singing flat I’m hitting high c’s
I be on my straight A it’s a stretch to say you’re high C’s
I am number one like A I’m next to B like hi C!

Bye C!
I swear these n***** fishy like a Pisces
Beefing over colors in the spectrum that our eyes see
Why?
I see fire red with icy blue like Icees
I try but if I died today it’d be in vain like IVs
Every blood is blue ‘cause everyone they knew is dying
And every blue is bleeding on the inside he is crying
The internal struggle what did you get yourself into
You murder in cold blood over a flag admit it is true

Was it red or blue or was red white and blue the issue?
5-point stars and straps or Stars and Stripes yeah which one is you?
You excuse a murder that’s the crime you dabble into
Then you accuse a murderer of crimes that you commit too
Did you want money, power, territory or security?
What higher power granted you the right to end maternity?
Paternity? fraternity?
All turned to see eternity
You earned your keep
You hurt the heap
Your turn to burn internally

I have separated from this sickness and its curing me
I can keep a promise in my circle like it’s purity
You are so obscure I can’t be sure if you’re mature it seems
My mind will find the time to sight the lies yeah bitch recurring dreams

Chorus:

Bump to come back stronger
Bump it to last longer
Bump to feel better when you’re down or when the past haunts ya up

Bumpin for cash on a
Beat I just smashed ought to
See to the stash I’m on my last dollar pass all the

Slack ballers itching for them drugs like a rash call a
Bluff when a pussy acting tough like a cat dog I
Can’t complain about my broke ass I sat long e-
Nough to know my talents worth a lot more than that so I pretend
Track Name: Bonus Track
Irish Spring Green
Let me tell you ‘bout that next shit
Just look to me for guidance take your view and I reflect it
I could be your teacher
Take your paper and correct it
Pardon my facetiousness I think I am infected
My apathetic peers just seem to weaken my reflexes
Pull up in that Lexus I don’t need to check my texts
It’s just I need this shit to flex
We took the weed and fled to Texas to
See the sea in search for X
The rest was getting hectic
Collect that
Off-brand n***** need a check
I dust my shoulders off and bitches scramble for the flecks
You live for Instagram and you would die to get a text
I live to get a grammy I’mma die if I ain’t next